I looked out to sea. I always found the sea so calming, and even as a child I would run across the road to the beach if I was upset and needed to think.
My parents knew that when I went missing from the house, they would find me here by the sea.
I closed my eyes and breathed in & out along the gentle sighing of the waves. It was as though the sea was taking big deep breath; pulling the water in while it inhaled & pushing it all backup onto the sand as it exhaled. I continued to breathe along with it & felt my pulse rate slow down as I became calmer.
I felt squashed between the shoulders of my past & my lost future, and I felt suffocated. I shouldn’t have to be there, none of my friends, none of my family or infact majority of the population of the world didn’t have to be there in the position I was right in. It doesn’t seem fair.
We both met here on this beach, from where we set our journey of love. I found solace in solitude watching the waves until I had the first look of her.
I picked the orchids near-by & walked towards her.
‘Excuse me, do you have band-aid because I scrapped my knee when I fell you for you’
I proposed having no clue of the tides ahead.
She turned & looked at me as she played with a gang of kids she had come with.
‘So you believe in love at first sight, right? Or should I walk by again?’ She chuckled. She looked gorgeous doing it.
She was my best friend, mother, and care-taker. I was her world.
Hmm.. My life jeopardized when I lost her. My journey of life seemed to lost track.
She was a victim of mob-fury while she was traveling to her NGO which served the downtrodden, blind & homeless children, in a bus as stones were pelted & set ablaze. She was charred alive while helping an old lady out. She was moved to the hospital where she fought for life. She braved it for 3 days.
I saw every moment of her struggle. I was beside her. I couldn’t stand the pain she was going through for no fault of hers.
She saw my eyes filled with tears for the 1st time in these 2 years since our marriage.
It was difficult to both of us going through this.
‘I miss you & I love you, Pranav’ She murmured.
I held her hand & said ‘I Love you tooo…Disha’ and kissed her forehead as she breathed her last after those words.
I set to sail on a journey of love..
I thought I would reach my destiny of desire..
I realized when the thought of losing her..
That I was on a paper-boat as I drowned…
I could hide the pain I felt & make others believe that I can move on. But I couldn’t deny the truth that one who has left me is the still the one I miss…
I wanted to complete her unfulfilled missions, so I decided & quit as a Software Engineer, what is the use of coming up with something which is far from reach of the economically challenged class of society.
I took over her NGOs task. I felt that I worked with her & lived with her. The smile which I got back from those whom I worked for was a reward, I cherished.
Days went by when I felt so happy & content, & confident that my life would be OK, & then as quickly as the feeling came it would disappear and I would feel the sadness setting again. I wandered around like a zombie, watching everybody else live theirs, while I waited mine to end…
Sookhi mitti mein dafan hai kuch yaadein,
Kaun sunega, kis se kare fariyaadein…
What is the point in living when there is no LIFE in it…
- Pranav
PS: Life we lead depends on options we get and the choices we make..
PPS: Oh, sweet sorrow, the time you borrow, will you be here when i wake up tomorrow?
PPPS: Pray that your loneliness may spur you into finding something to live for, great
enough to die for.
