For You..

So much to say that I love you
Now that so much I need you

How would it be if you leave me

Feel it for me to believe me

I want to love but not alone

Living for you and dying.... for you

This is one jingle that caught my attention for the day.. Its just awesome.. and has so much to convey in just few lines. Oh my valentine.. this song is dedicated for you on this special day..

My search is still on.. and am waiting for you..

Sometimes... you just leave it god..

here I am.. for you..

Do you see my love for you growing?

Is that all in life..

I would work towards getting the self-confidence which is less expensive and more satisfying in the long run, at least for me.

Some probably chose not to fully express their point of view. They seem to know what they want but not why they wanted it and whether it would actually satisfy their needs ever. That to me felt like living life in the reverse. Again its individuals view. If everyone was here to lead their lives individually what purpose does it serve to say it's a co-existence? Where do relations fit in here..

Reproducing the conversation transcript to let you know the thoughts of what people think:

X: leave it yaar... let me first become something in life......

me: and what is that something, X? Is it a definite goal or a horizon without an end?

7:30 PM     X: fame, money etc.....

     me: To what end, X?

7:31 PM     Is fame as important as life?

X: well...tell u once I get these two...

     me: Some of the people who do the greatest acts in their lifetimes don't get fame..

7:32 PM     Rudolf Diesel, after whom the fuel is named, the inventor of the diesel engine was not even recognized for his invention till after his death.. he died in poverty..

      and fame is something that Rakhi Savant can get if she parades semi-naked on a show..

7:33 PM     Is fame more important than achieving something worthy of fame?

     X: lol....

     me: No seriously..

      which aspect of fame are you after?

      The aspect of doing something great or getting noticed for it?

7:34 PM     X: tough to answer....

     me: It shouldn't be...

7:35 PM     ask yourself..

      if you would do things going out of your way for the benefit of people, even if you don't get the recognition..

      or whether you just want to be a page 3 celebrity..

     X: well m not rakhi sawant nor diesel..

7:36 PM     me: I always thought you were a confident and ambitious person, X..

      Confident people don't need to hanker for fame..

      After all, what is the meaning if somebody recognizes your work or not?

7:37 PM     Will it change the effectiveness of what you do?

      Steve Waugh comes down several times to India to help underprivileged children and NGOs and he does it whether the cameras are clicking or not..

7:38 PM     X: well... I don't know abt others..what they did n what they not.. I just want to get noticed ..thts it....

7:39 PM     me: What drives that desire, X?

7:40 PM     X: donno

me: You are a strong person, X..

      you don't need somebody to endorse that you are so..

      So I don't understand this need to get noticed..

7:41 PM     X: no...m not... i think all useless things......

7:42 PM     me: and where is the happiness here? If ten thousand people say you are a great person you fell happy? Vindicated? What if the next day twenty thousand people call you a b***h? something worse? Is that when you start thinking that you are worthless?              

X: LOL...dont make me think too much pal....


7:43 PM     me: Not at all, X..

      You should be the index of yourself...

      and not allow somebody else to make a judgment about you..

      You should know your worth.. and not let somebody else push it up or pull it down at will..

7:44 PM

      Nobody is perfect, X..

      nobody is fearless

7:45 PM     Nobody is free of temptations..

X: I know yaar....

     me: nobody is full of virtue..

      but every single person has to have faith in oneself..  X: :)

7:46 PM     me: You are a great person, X.. and you should not feel the need to get it endorsed by a group to realize it..

      Fame is what insecure people aspire for..

      They think it's a cloth that can cover all the bad patches..

      hide it from public view.. X: he he

7:49 PM     so u tell me...what should be done....

     me: Aspire to do great things, that is a worthy ambition X..

      What is fame? Money?

      They are no goals..

7:50 PM     Money is still a good goal..

      For you need money for everything in life..

      But fame? That is a silly pursuit..

      not unless you believe the fame can propel you even further.. you and your cause that is..

7:51 PM     X: hmm.... well m nothing now....so want to become something first.....

     me: that's not at all true..

      If you have nothing now, you can never be anything, X..

      I'm being very blunt, sorry for that..

      But you need to realize that there is latent potential in you..

      That's not nothing..

7:52 PM     If you don't have talent, potential, you will go nowhere..
     X: hmm

     me: Everyone of us has something..

7:53 PM     But many think they don't have anything. ... and that's when they go down in life..

      I might not be earning a fat pay-packet today, but I know I have potential..

      I believe that I can manufacture my own opportunities to come up even further.. that's not nothing..

7:54 PM     My bank balance may be nothing, but I'm NOT nothing..

     X: :) thts very much true what u said abt u...

     me: And it's true about you too, X..

7:55 PM     There is only one type of respect that really matters in this world, X..

      That is self-respect.

     X: :)

me: I don't need somebody to tell me that I am worthy of their respect before I respect myself..

      X, you don't need fame..

      You need self-respect.

Being me..

Radio Jockey(RJ) one of the passionate professions I dreamt to be on.. Did it for sometime during college.. My show on 91.1 FM used to happen every weeknight 9PM-12AM…The show I did was to ask the listeners of my show to drop in a SMS and I would call them back. Also just in case listeners wanted to leave a voice message 24/7, they hadto dial and reach out my IVR, speak their heart out and confess on what they wanted…this IVRS facility provided yet another platform me to connect with my listeners…and I realized that a lot of listeners started using the facility to reach out to me, may be they felt it more comfortable than a direct conversation. This is just like how you vent your heart out with a stranger exactly when you are unable to express the same with your loved or close ones.

One day, anonymous person had left a message saying that she is plagued with guilt about how she left her boy friend in lurch and got married to another…she kept in touch with her ex thinking she will try and ease out things with him, but realized that he was still not over her, and was insisting he would never marry another which made her feel even worse about things…for now she had changed her mobile number, but couldn’t help feeling guilty about the fact that even while she was with him, she never really explained to him why she would never be able to convince her parents about this relationship and why it wouldn’t work out..

This is such a classic situation…one thing I did not understand is that if people are already aware of such facts at the onset of a relationship and they know they won’t have the guts to stand up to their parents regarding their choice of a life partner, then why go along with the whole charade? or do we have a tendency to just leap into things, thinking jo hoga toh dekha jaayega [enaadru amele nodkoteeni]…I am thinking of the guy who must be left wondering what went wrong suddenly? How do you come to terms with the fact that somebody who professed to love you for a lifetime had suddenly chickened out and opted out of the relationship without even giving a proper reason? and the girl changing her mobile number must be another slap on the face…but maybe at that point it’s better for her to break all ties with him, and try to sort out things in her head…nahi toh agar aise hee baatcheet hoti rahi, toh samajhne samjhaane ke chakkar mein dimaagh ka dahi naa ban jaaye…[if not if the conversations continued, you would have gone insane]

As for the girl, I did not understand that it’s at times really hard to withstand the emotional blackmail that parents can put one through when they want their way…and sometimes it’s just easier to give in and surrender to their demands, and go by their wishes…but then you have to gather enough inner strength to let go of your past and start afresh, as like in this case, unless and until she stops thinking about her ex, and lets go of the guilt, she will not be able to give his 200% to her newly-wed hubby, her new life ,which deserves nothing but her best effort..

I hope she can get sorted out soon… can forgive herself for being weak, taking the easy way out and in the process hurting somebody so badly…and I hope her ex is also able to accept the fact that it’s over, and that its time to move on…can only try and imagine what he must be going through...
This is one incident I just reminisce for the days I spent as a RJ.

PS: tried out a different kind of narration to bring out some thought flow I was going through.
PPS: if you find it close to life, yes it is.
PPPS: Wanted to jot a story about this incident, bringing out the emotions involved in the situation. Somehow was lazy to narrate.

By My Side..

Save me from tears,

relieving me of fears.

For it matters my life,

with never ending strife.

Why are you so mean, 

allowing me to wean.

You wanted me to alight,

and make you feel alright.

Another day goes by,

without knowing the reason why.

Is that all you have,

me without any salve.

~Mohit

Everything but Mine...

She said, “You’re nice. The girl who gets your love is lucky.”
Then after a while, she showed him a picture, “He’s my man.”
And he said, “You know what? he’s luckier cause the girl I love loves him.”

Slowly, he broke down; tears fell from his eyes, his heart shattered into pieces, all the sweet memories played inside his mind. And like that he stayed while watching her walk out of his life with a note in his hand which read “Time has come where I should let you go, I’d let you believe that I fooled you. I know this would hurt but it would hurt more if you’ll find out that I loved you but I couldn’t fight for you.”

The clouds poured in to accompany him.. as his mind ran through myriad of feelings.. He always knew looking back on the tears would make him laugh. But he never knew looking back on the laughs would make him cry.

His friend once had asked – “Do you love her”
His answer, “Yes". He asked him again, "Does she love you?"
He sat down, looked at the stars, closed his eyes and said, “Wishes do come true, right?”

No matter how loud he laughed, he was still not happy. No matter how hard he would cry, the sadness inside grew. The more people love him, the more he felt empty.

Several months later...
He ran towards the only place of solace he knew after his office every evening, the beach, the vastness of waters before him, and the untrammeled vista. He kept walking along the beach, farther and farther, he himself not knowing where to.

He wanted to ask her, if she knew the difference between the two of them?

I trusted you that’s why I held on. I loved you that’s why I let you go. But you? You just left me without any valid reason.

What can he do that I can’t do? What can he make you feel that I can’t? Why can’t you feel that way for me too? What does he have that I don’t? Forget I asked. I already know. He has you.

I’ve already told everybody that I’ve moved on and that things are better off like this, that we’re just friends. But one thing I haven’t told them is that I’ve been lying all this time I can pretend and say I can let go of you. I can pretend to smile and laugh over the thought of losing you. I can say I can get over this hurt fast. But my heart can't pretend cause deep inside it’s bleeding.

I don’t hate you for breaking my heart cause I’m almost getting over you but I could hate you for making me fall once more cause I know once again, you’ll only be slamming my door. I tried to take away the pain by finding someone new but then I came to realize that no one compares to you. And even if I look around pretending not to cry, I’ll always go back to the day you finally said goodbye.

If all is fair, why did you hurt me so? If all ends well, why did you have to go? If happily ever after is true then why am I here crying over you?

Fairy tales usually start with “once upon a time” and end with “and they lived happily ever after”. But for us it’s “they lived happily ever after once upon a time” as he walked through the crimson dusk..


…Zindagi Migzara (Life goes on)

The Rising.. for..

We might face many difficulties, hardships and disappointments in our lives. Things do not always go our way. If we listen to the discussions of others and review our own words and thoughts, we find that many of them are complaints about how life is treating us. There is a bitter feeling.
Most of us have love for a small circle of people which includes our family and close friends. However, as we grow, our heart must expand to embrace society, country, world and beyond. The ultimate state of love is having love for the cosmos.
With my experience with UncleSam, for people here -
Water is thicker than blood; while for most of us in my homeland it is always blood which is thicker than water.
Water accounts to the social circle called friends and love for the nation and more subjective to being selfless. The blood accounts as me, my family and world around it.
I would like to quote an incident I read somewhere - During the Great Depression in America, a government representative travelled through some of the poorer parts of the country to provide financial assistance to farmers to buy seeds, fix their homes and run their farms. The agent came across an elderly woman living in a shack without flooring. She had covered the broken windows with tarpaper. She barely managed to survive. The agent asked: “If the government gave you 200$, what would you do with it?” The woman replied without hesitation: “I would give it to someone who is homeless.”
A different perspective would reveal to us how fortunate we are. I always wonder why people back home are centered on building villas and shutting down opportunity for helping others in need. What makes people take such rigid decisions to run a rat race of pride? Is luxury all in life? A nation which stood for values and ethics today has a very little to offer.
If we could accept the cloudy days with the same gratitude as we do the sunny days, we would find our lives to be filled with more love, peace and happiness. If we could appreciate the weeds as well as the roses, we would get enriched. Not only do we need to learn to be content, we need to expand our heart to embrace all creation.
No matter what happens to us in life, we have a fountain of nectar within us from which we can drink at any time. This is the gift we can achieve through our determination. These thoughts are something which keep me engaged of what I can do and how I could be of some help. Though it’s just a drop in the huge world around, I wouldn’t stop myself from expressing that I am awakened and would live for a meaningful life rather than just a self-centered life. With a ray of hope…

How I wish..

As Mother Theresa said The most terrible poverty is loneliness, and the feeling of being unloved.
I walk through oceans of shimmering blue and green, white foam rising and falling above my head. Creatures of thousands of colors dart past my eyes and disappear as quickly as they appeared. I continue walking.
Suddenly, the jeweled waters melt into rolling waves of people. Claustrophobic fear rises up inside me and pushes at my frantically beating heart. Looking around, I see no one I recognize, as this sea of faceless figures marches on. Oblivious to each other and the world around them, they only know their destination and their haste to get there. They stop. What am I thinking over...
Loneliness affects everyone at one time or another. Loneliness changes the way a person thinks and behaves. Seclusion can have various effects on a person. The person may become bitter and suffer from denial of the friendships that he needs.
Loneliness also can derive from several places within an individual. He will isolate himself away from others because he thinks they will hurt him, which may be true, but not in all cases.
Simple relationships and unconditional care could have prevented each one of us from going through awry situations. Loneliness has affected each person differently, but the source of why they changed is the same.
But somewhere my gut says you are lonely when you don't know yourself. We must realise loneliness is to express the pain of being alone. But there is solitude as well to express the glory of being alone.
That shouldn’t inspire a person to live alone as he will not succeed as a human being. His heart withers if it does not answer another heart. His mind shrinks away if he hears only the echoes of his own thoughts.
I want to be with people around, I want to socialize and edge those moments spent into my life’s notebook. I've got everything I need except a woman. And I'm not one of those men who think a woman is the answer to everything, but I'm tired of being alone. Where are you, honey.. cross my roads???

Help me to get out of it my friends if I’m wrong…